A girls’ guide to misery and happy living

14 10 2008

This is kind of a follow-up to my one of my previous posts. What I have documented here is a guide for girls to help them live happily. Of course, fathoming a girl’s mind is impossible and I have since long given it up. So what I have here instead is an unofficial classification of guys that you might come across in your everyday life.

This being the season of hook-ups and matchmaking, I thought it might prove to be helpful. However, there’s something that is acknowledged universally – no matter how much you try to make them happy, humans will find a way to misery and sufferings. And girls, being almost as human as human beings, aren’t very different. So although this article aims at helping the fairer of the two sexes, I doubt if it will succeed. So here we go – the guys classified. Guys who feel they do not belong to any of the categories list, kindly forgive my ignorance.

A word of caution: Girls who fantasize about kissing frogs, swinging with spidermen and

galloping with Sir Galahad, the great, better stop right here.

The “ITs”:

Ready-made marriageable materials. Never had an affair with another girl. High pay. Foreign trips guaranteed and will own a car. For girls who love shopping – they are jackpots.

However, most of them being mechanical engineers or some such engineers, they do not really know how to treat girls which can be remedied with a little training. The conversations are restricted to email hacking, job shifting and pay hikes. The most worrying fact however is a recent survey, which indicates a lowering libido in these guys. (WHOOPS!!!)

Hook-up quotient: 7.08714/10

Where do you find them: Every second person you meet.

The “MBAs and the corporates”:

He is better than what he was before he did his MBA. With training in conversation skills, he will keep you interested.

He is a bit too mechanical and also the smile on his face is usually frozen. Will have loads of friend-girls who will be beautiful and smart enough to make you jealous and suspicious. Of course, he will have enough excuses at hands if he gets late and comes home drunk.

Hook-up quotient: 6.333/10

How do you find them: The vernacular simpleton who now talks only in English.

The “NRI”s:

The lucky bastards!! Yes indeed, the luckiest. His average salary when converted into rupees is more than that of the IT-guy. Has an accent to impress you along with the stories that happen “abroad”.

Being tired of a number of flings with firangi girls, the guy wants to settle with a simple desi girl. The girl would of course end up being a cook and maid to his house. But that’s the way things go.

Hookup quotient: 9.998/10

Where do you find them: Times matrimonial and shadi.com

The ICD (I care damn) flirts:

The guys the girls will go out with.

Samir and me recently came up with this theory after some logical arguments:

Me: Girls have a choice to be happy…but they wont be which is just natural

Samir: yeah I always wonder… why that is so natural

Me: I guess they have a fondness for misery

It’s like this…

Misery breeds misery.

So the guy becomes…miserable

Then the girls have someone to be motherly with and take care of which is again their natural instinct, I guess.

Samir: yup, we guess.

So this is that guy girls shouldn’t be with but will always end up being with. The guy knows how to make the girl happy. Right from the start he will let her know that he doesn’t believe in commitment. And all this does is turn on the girl. Good times will ensure. Heated arguments will follow. You will break up with him only to realize that he wasn’t with you at all. The girl will end up marrying the “IT” guy or an “NRI”.

Hookup quotient: 1.665*10^34/10

Where do you find them: The guy riding a bike with a T-shirt that says, “Denial is a good thing if used correctly”

The “friend”ly guy:

The most lovable idiot. He will always be around. Mind you he is in love with you but will never let you know and get drunk on the day you get married and some years later will take your kids to the zoo.

Of course since he won’t be asking you out, there’s not much you can do. However, if you do like him, it’s not a bad idea to emotionally blackmailing him to the limit until he confesses his feelings. Girls will stay happily ever after but of course that makes life very boring and these things never happen. The beer and the zoo take their own course.

Hook-Up quotient: 1.5521/10

Where do you find them: There’s one around every girl

The last and also the least:…to the ones this blog is dedicated to

The PhD’s”

Oh, just leave them alone. They are just harmless souls. The last of all the options and always available.

Hook-up quotient: minus 85.68825555/10 whatever

Where do you find them: Ask yours’ truly.

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15 responses

14 10 2008
Anonymous

Great reading on a bad working day!!! You made my day

14 10 2008
Mohib

This is kool man…..Mohib

14 10 2008
Anonymous

I am Mohib’s colleague. This post is really very good one!

14 10 2008
Sangeeta

hey all of them really very nice …

14 10 2008
K7

Fundu post … Some more you can add1. Simple engineer in collegeAns:-
Get out Man !! No Bucks, No bike … you don’t stand a chance2. 12th
class kid … (these days kids start pretty early)3. Ex-DRDO Scientist,
MountaineerAns:- Ask yours truly …. 4. Road-side Romeos (How can you
forget them ?) Ans:- One who go after every damn girl ….5. DoctorsAns:-
Niche segment .. not worth commenting

14 10 2008
Yashodhan

hi viky
laii bhari ahe article me 1 st time english madhya vachle
bye
yash

14 10 2008
Trina

Hi Vikrant
hey nice time spent reading the blogs…okkk lemme admit , i din read the
Murphy’s law one , but fwded it to one more friend of mine who probably is
gonna love it , my fav is the girls’ guide to misery and happy living…really
really funny , dunnow about the guys but gals are probly gonna love it.
actually already told two of my friends about it and waiting for their
feedback…true story told with a nice sense of humor.about the dumbledore
story , well ummmm let’s just say , u can do better. i think all ur true
stories follow a similar pattern , it would be really grt if u can get out of
it. do keep posting
take care

14 10 2008
Pooja

hi

hmmmm the girl waala thing is interesting and have hit the bulls eye at times

abt the mba,s one uforgot they r full of themselves n often talk abt the sales
target they have to achieve

hmmm and abt the phd u r being partial to them u didnt list their bad points;
guy dresses in dirty clothes havnt shaved till ages dont know that a thing like
deo exists and that their is life beyond university set up

14 10 2008
Anonymous

Vikrant,truely its good post.u gave a good smile for me.thanks alot.

14 10 2008
Pallavi

Again u came up with ur superb writing skills.

14 10 2008
Anonymous

The girlish stuff for the V-day was great. I aprecciate the huge amount of
research. Really i too learnt a lot ;). he he.

14 10 2008
icymist

Absolutely fantastic!!

14 10 2008
K7

Felt nice reading your posts .. do keep them coming …

14 10 2008
Anuji

hey vikrant, i have heard about u from Bala & recently when i published
my blogspot, bala mentioned about yours too (just like that).I really
really enjoyed this one, i could’nt stop saying this. 🙂 Anuji

10 07 2013
Daniele Gustovich

Only a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great layout. “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler.” by Albert Einstein.

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