So Writes a Looney…..

14 10 2008

“May be you can just make it into a fictional story. You people are anyway more fascinated by fiction than reality.”

I was perplexed. I was looking for at least one line of defense but I knew they had

me left completely naked in the middle of nowhere.

“So when do we meet again?” I asked.

“May be when you guys become human or else NEVER!”

———————————————————————————

This is a true story but I am sure you guys wont believe it. It actually happened and while it was happening I was told that nobody will believe me if I tell them about it. And since anyway you aren’t going to believe me, I’ll at least try and make this story readable. So, although the crux of the story remains unchanged, I’ll put in a bit of dark night, rains, thunder, lightening and stuff into it and make it like a story. So if you are not much of a hyperbole and onomatopoeia person, you can simply skip the next paragraph.

So as I said, it was a very dark night as I finished my experiment. And just as I was switching off the lights, all drowsy and drained, it started to rain outside. And by rain I do not mean the kind of rain in which the lovers hold hands and go out for a walk but it was pouring like it had never rained before, just like they show in the movies. Thunders promptly followed their respective lightenings. The winds were making that sound they make when they blow at very high speeds. I think its called howling but I am not sure. And just as I was transfixed by nature’s fury a bulb flashed in my brain telling me that I had neither an umbrella nor a raincoat.

A lesser man would have thought to himself, “Life cannot get any worse!” But I am PhD student and I am sure when Richard Feynman said, “There’s plenty of room at bottom”, he wasn’t just referring to nano – technology.

So anyway, as I was too tired, I thought I might as well sleep in the lab and perhaps my advisor would think I was working for the night. (God knows whom I am fooling!) So I sat on my chair, put my head on the desk and gently rolled off into sleep-land. (There’s no dreamland for a PhD student)

“Get up you bloody idiot!” I heard some voice say and for a moment I thought it was my advisor who had arrived early. As I got up and rubbed my eyes I noticed there wasn’t anybody around me. The rains had stopped and the air was as still as, well it was as still as the stillest of airs ever. There was a pin-drop silence everywhere. I realized that such a deafening silence is actually scarier than a thunder–storm. It was frightfully silent. It was freaky. And I admit I was scared.

“Who is it?” I asked, desperately trying to sound brave.

“Aliens.”

“Yeah right, and I am Elvis Presley.” I said almost convincing myself that I was being brave.

“Shut up, you dumb Earthling!” said the voice. There was so much authority in the voice that somehow I knew I had to shut up. And suddenly out of nowhere there was a blinding flash and out popped two men. One looked like a Jazz player and the other like a Japanese sumo wrestler, except that he was thin.

“What the…” I trailed off.

“Don’t worry we won’t harm you.” said the Sumo wrestler.

“But you are not aliens. I thought aliens were…”

“…Green?” completed the Jazz player.

“Yeah” I said.

“With antennae and all? You human beings just have a weird sense of imagination. Its really a miracle that your planet is alive.”

“Hey that’s offensive. And why did you call me an ‘Idiot’?” I asked.

“We’re sorry but we observed that you people refer to each other more with abuses than with first names.”

“That’s not true, but anyway, what are you doing here?” I had somehow realized that they were indeed friendly.

“It’s a long story.” Said the thin sumo wrestler.

“Let’s have it.” I said.

“Okay,” said Jazz player, “we are from a planet called…”

“Tralfamadore?” I asked, remembering from a book by Kurt Vonnegut.

“What’s wrong with you people? You never let others speak.” Shouted the Jazz player.

“Sorry, pray continue.” I said sheepishly.

“We are from a planet called Arogou. It’s a few hundred light years from here. We had discovered your planet a few centuries back and after some of our astronomers proved that there was life here, we were absolutely thrilled. The great question ‘Are we alone in the universe?’ had finally ended. So a few hundred years ago we started our journey and reached earth around 1905. However it was imperative for us to know the mentality of the people here. Initially we were very pleased with what we saw but slowly doubts began to creep up in our minds.

“You people had two major wars, you called world wars. But that was not enough. After you dropped a nuclear bomb, you were not alarmed by the destruction it caused. You actually started developing more and more weapons and you haven’t stopped as yet. You have no food to eat but you want to break atoms. Not a single day passes when you don’t kill someone, when you don’t despise someone.

“Look at what you’ve done to your own planet. You cut trees despite knowing fully well how badly it affects your planet. You pollute the soil, the air, the water even though you know how it affects the eco-system. And just killing your fellow beings does not satisfy you; you kill other animals as well. Those poor creatures try their best to stay away from you and yet you have brought them on the brink of extinction. You think you are so smart that you will face any problem that might confront you without realizing that your problems are self-inflicted. You have new diseases cropping up everyday and you cannot even prevent those. What kind of intelligence is that?

“You have already divided your planet on the basis languages, cultures, ethnicity, religion and what not. And all that does is create more and more hatred and distrust. You only talk about kindness but can do nothing for a poor kid who is dying of hunger except of clicking his photos and forwarding it to everyone. You simply hate each other. You cannot stand each other. There’s hatred on every level – country, state, city, neighborhood, your colleagues.

“Look at your mentality. It is so negative. You are so self – pitying and pathetic. And I think your hatred for others is actually the hatred you have harnessed for yourself, inside you.

“And finally, your movies about aliens? They are the dumbest. You never show stuff where aliens and earthlings become friends and all is well. Let me tell you kid, no one in their right minds will come to you planet. NEVER!”

And he stopped. Just as suddenly as he had appeared. I didn’t know what to say, so I just kept quiet.

“So anyway, we are leaving. Rest of our people have already left. We only thought it was our responsibility as fellow universians to let you know.”

“But why me?” I asked.

“Because you are one of those persons, nobody will believe in. I am sure you are dying to tell this to everyone you’ll meet. But because you people never trust each other, nobody will believe you. They’ll think you are a Looney, just like it has happened to others that we’ve interacted with.”

“So what do you suggest, I should do?”

“May be you can just make it into a fictional story. You people are anyway more fascinated by fiction that reality.”

I was perplexed. I was looking for at least one line of defense but I knew they had left me completely naked in the middle of nowhere.

“So when do we meet again?” I asked.

“May be when you guys become human or else NEVER!”

And with a sudden flash, they vanished. The flash indeed hurt my eyes and I realized the sun was staring straight into my eyes. As I got up from my chair, a colleague came in and said, “You slept in the lab, you bloody idiot?” and I just had to smiled.

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8 responses

14 10 2008
Anonymous

Procrastination is definitely worth it….from an mcp aspect ratio…live on you will sooner or later get laid!!! and cheers to that!!!…None dies a virgin, Life f…s everyone!!!

14 10 2008
Amit

It seems as pointed out by your alien friend this time you tried to be more imaginative 🙂 ..
Newayz .. that was a nice little peice of fiction … and even more wonderful when you are in office at this hour and desparately need some break ..

14 10 2008
K7

What a piece of fiction man !!!! I will strive to weave such a kind of story ….

You have set the standards in blogging man !!!!!! Plz… write about your encounter with a nose-ringed lady next 😉

14 10 2008
Harshu

nice weave. and the THIN sumo is a hilarious combination..

14 10 2008
Anonymous

Amazing amazing blog man, I am not much of a reader just went through some stuff. Just a suggestions pics are good. Just google for something and mame them relevent. Everyone likes photos, even great content needs supporting cast!

14 10 2008
VD

Bastard!

14 10 2008
Tushar

Everything here on your blog is Bhannat.Are the photos here taken by you?
Tushar

14 10 2008
Shamoli Sarkar

I believe this is a new generation story & is tooooo creative for me.

Keep it up.

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