The Strange History of Dr. Batliwala

14 10 2008

First the Epilogue:

Somewhere nearby, the Real Jesus Christ was having a dinner of bread and wine with 12 other people. God came up to him and told him briefly about the great old Dr. Batliwala. “Leave this place after 3 days and people will believe that you were resurrected.

They will worship you and believe you. Then, you can then pass on my message to them which I told you the other day.” And with a wink and a satisfied smile he vanished, never to be seen till today.


What can one say about a man who never existed? Or rather whose existence was martyred for some noble cause. And yet, nobody knows a thing about it. May be it did not occur in this universe, but then considering parallelism between the parallel universes – may be it did. So here is the brief history of Dr. Batliwala the genius, the martyr, the soul lost in the “brief history of time”.

Life had never been kind on Dr. Chambu Batliwala. Or rather he never made it possible for life to be kind to him. His father died before he was even conceived. Now, one would naturally expect eyebrows to be raised at his virgin mother but strangely nobody bothered to check the dates. Everyone said how sad it was to be born without a father – but then he was one of the richest infants in the world who would never have much to care about his finances for the rest of his life.

He went to a Parsi school and there were lots of Parsi boys around him. Since it was fate that had made him an orphan, she decided to give him good friends out of sheer guilt. His childhood was almost happy. “It (Dr. Batliwala’s childhood) could have been just perfect,” Fate was once heard telling her friends, “ but the ass makes it so difficult for me.” You cannot really call it a childhood bliss if you keep falling from the same tree again and again, breaking a new bone every time. When she found that he would not stop climbing that tree, Fate created a cyclone and uprooted the tree. But this killed a lot of people. This didn’t please God at all.

School was over and it was time for Batliwala and his friends to choose a profession. As you would expect in the rich Parsi families, Dawawala decided to become a doctor. Engineer decided to become an engineer. Daruwala started a bar in his family restaurant. Everyone expected the brilliant Batliwala to take up the family business (of glass manufacturing, of course) but he had other ideas. Brilliant as he was, he decided to study science. “Our people don’t study science,“ Chambu’s momma told him on hearing his decision, “ We only give funds to scientific institutes or start new ones.”

“But mama, what about Vikram uncle?” remarked Chambu referring to the great Parsi scientist which was enough for his Momma to bite her lips.

He did his B.Sc., M.Sc. and registered for a Ph.D. in physics. These made God to frown at Fate – rest as they is history or should we say, Strange History.

History is fine up to a certain point of time, that is till the axis of time moves linearly. For example if in the year 2005 A.D. if some person X tells his son Y that about 350 years ago some young boy rose out of some mountains and gave a powerful empire a run for their money, we say that Y is learning history from his dad X. However, if Y tells his father, “I know it dad. I was the one who told him to take some extra precautions during his meeting with a high profile officer of the enemy.” – things just complicate and it cannot be helped. History i.e. past mingles with it’s future. Time travel makes history intricate. Future is not very fond of time travel and time travelers. It affects him very badly every time. But lets not talk about the future because it’s not his story.

Chambu continued his climb in the scientific community and completed his Ph.D. And in just 6 years, Chambu became Dr. Batliwala. His mother, as Fate would have it, died a few months before his thesis defence. Her death is also very interesting and can be read in the book ‘The story of Mary Batliwala: Where’s my child gone?’

As all the doctors of philosophy do, Dr. Batliwala applied for a post doctorate position all around the world. Life as always was cruel to him. He did not get a single position anywhere. In fact nobody even replied to his e-mails. It was time for Fate to frown at God. God replied with a smirk. But the whole thing had disheartened Dr. Batliwala. He went up on a hilltop and shouted in vain at the sky, “WHY ME?” As Fate would have it, his shout didn’t really go in vain.

Normally one expects God to be sensible. He is, strictly speaking. But sometimes, nobody knows what happens even to the best. He suddenly appeared in the sky and said, “ Because I don’t want you and your Fate to bloody mess up with me.” And he disappeared. This made future very angry because now he would have to change.

God’s mistake was that he didn’t know about the shepherd who had been placed there by Fate when God was having a little dialogue with Dr. Batliwala. The boy however was neither surprised nor shocked. Not even bewildered or dumbstruck. Dr. Batliwala was all four plus many more.

“What is the meaning of all this?” he said unaware of the shepherd and his sheep.

“ May be He thinks you will mess up with Him at some point of time.

This was it. “TIME”. Of course he could mess up with God. Now that God had shown him that He existed, he would prove it to the whole world. ‘Nobel prize in the bag.’ he thought. Little did he realize that there was no Nobel Peace Prize in 35 B.C.

It didn’t take him long to make a time machine. The details of all that can be found in some physics book while here we stick to the main story. Of course, Fate helped him this time because she was having heated arguments with God and Future. Dr. Batliwala’s plan was foolproof and it had to succeed. What he didn’t know was that God was sneaking in and reading his mind.

If you are one of those people who think that time travel is just going back or forth in time, you are sadly mistaken. You have to know what a parallel universe is. Simply put, it’s a universe much like ours but on the time scale, it is some years behind or ahead of our universe – depending on how many years we have time traveled. The real universe is just a matrix of infinite universes. All time travel does is to place you in one of these universes.

Dr. Batliwala activated his time machine. And off he was into another universe, some 2000 years back. Time travel leaves you dizzy and breathless. A jet lag is nothing when compared to time lag. Dr. Batliwala was no exception. Just as he was dusting his hair (grown during his 6 years of Ph.D.), someone shouted, “ Who art thou?” or something like that in some strange dialect and slapped his back.

Taken by surprise, he said, “Jesus Christ!” No one knows why he chose to swear by Jesus’ name because he was neither a Christian nor a follower of Christianity. God just couldn’t help laughing and thanked His stars. Fate was furious with God. “He may be God but He is not ever thing, you know.” she told her friends.

“That’s the one!” the man shouted continuing his strange dialect.

The next thing Dr. Batliwala knew were nails being hammered into his bleeding palms and soon he was hoisted on a huge cross. Strangely, he didn’t feel any pain – but felt relaxed. Just as he was about to die, God came up to him and thanked him profusely and asked if he wanted something.

“O’ Lord, just forgive these men.” he told Him.

“You guys don’t know what you are doing.” he told those men. Those men were of course surprised to find that he was asking God to forgive them and actually began to believe that they didn’t really know what they were doing. Dr. Batliwala closed his eyes and his soul lost itself in the infinite time and infinite spaces of the universe forever.


Somewhere nearby, the Real Jesus Christ was having a dinner of bread and wine with 12 other people. God came up to him and told him briefly about the great old Dr. Batliwala.

“Leave this place after 3 days and people will believe that you were resurrected. They will worship you and believe you. Then, you can then pass on my message to them which I told you the other day.” And with a wink and a satisfied smile he vanished, never to be seen till today.

Dr. Batliwala, since he died in the history, he ceased to exist. Yes, time travel is just damn complicated. Also nobody knows where God’s message got lost. Perhaps it was Fate and her anger at God who made sure that God wouldn’t succeed. Nobody knows.



2 responses

14 10 2008

Hoy i liked this one…could smell Adams influence…but why Batliwala?…why not something else?…

14 10 2008
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